remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We talked him into tasing himself.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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