you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
