ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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