My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
