what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
