i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
