Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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