if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we're so committed to being not committed
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