sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
