my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
