Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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