Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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