I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
