Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
