Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
