At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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