I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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