Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
