Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
