Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
