I've blown a few things in my day
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
