No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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