Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone shit on the floor
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
