i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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