What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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