We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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