Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
