Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
