I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
