Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
