some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
