hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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