his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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