remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
