the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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