I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
