R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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