He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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