so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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