We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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