How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize