I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
