you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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