i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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