we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
