yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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