I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
