Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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