Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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