There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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