Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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