So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
