Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
