if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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