I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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