I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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