people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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